Bachelor Parties and Bridal Showers gone wrong
by Lollipopleeches
Summary: based on yesterday's hilarious Breaking Dawn quote of the day, Edward's Bachelor Party isn't at a strip club, and neither is Bella's Bridal Shower. But it's at someplace far worse for both Edward AND Bella. R&R, please. c:
1. Arguments

I walked in to the Cullen household one day, only to find Alice and Jasper in an argument.

"But you can't go _there_!" Alice wailed, "That's where we're taking Bella!"

"What's wrong with that? It's a huge store, I highly doubt that we would bump into you guys there."

"But still, Jasper, you can't have a bachelor party and a bridal shower at the _same place_! Especially not where you're taking Edward!

"What's wrong with where we're taking Edward?"

I stepped into the room, and Alice snapped her head in my direction. Jasper looked at me, too, but his expression was calm. Alice's face was as surprised as I felt. They were just practically screaming at eachother.

But, as a matter-of-fact, I didn't feel surprised anymore. I felt relaxed. My face turned to Jasper.

"Please stop that."

He shook his head, "You need it."

I laughed once. "What do vampires do at bachelor parties, anyway? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?" I asked.

I didn't know where my bridal shower was, and Edward didn't know where his bachelor party was. We weren't supposed to find out til later that day, when we went.

Alice burst into a fit of giggles. "Didn't you hear anything just now? We're going to the same place. Do you honestly think that I would take you to a strip club, Bella?"

I laughed a bit too, then shook my head. "I guess not."

"I bet that would be okay. Eddie would like it if Bella starred." Jasper said, a beaming smile on his face.

"No," I said, my expression flushed, "but where are we really going?"

Alice smiled, almost as wide as Jasper's huge grin, and said,

"I guess your just gonna hafta wait and see, huh?"


	2. Reading?

I walked into Edward's bedroom, only to find him lounging on his couch, reading.

"Whatcha reading?" I asked him from the doorway. I couldn't see the cover of the book, but he looked really into it. He turned the book slightly, revealing the cover to me.

It was Wuthering Heights.

"Y'know, I'm really starting to like this book. I bought one just for me, so I didn't have to always read yours." He said, smiling.

I nodded.

"You don't by any chance know where Jasper and them are taking you tonight, do you?" I asked him. His smile immediately went to a dark frown.

"No. They've been doing a really great job of not thinking about it."

I could tell how annoyed he was by the fact that he didn't know. He always knew. I laughed, then reminded him,

"You've only got to wait a few more minutes."

He smiled at me, then returned to his book. Great. What was I supposed to do this whole time, waiting? I walked over to him, pulled the book out of his hands, and I set it on his desk. If I was going to combust waiting, at least I would be with him.

He looked at me, awe-struck.

"I was reading that, you know."

"I know." I said, then sat myself down on his lap. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer, and I inhaled the sweet scent of his skin. "I can't believe the marriage is only a few days away…" I murmured, playing with his collar.

"It'll be great. No worries." He said, kissing my forehead.

"Hey," I said, getting his attention.

"Hmm?"

"Is the tooth fairy real?"

I could feel a silent laugh shake through him. "Why do you ask?"

"Well…if vampires and werewolves are real…y'know. I thought that maybe the tooth fairy might exist." I felt stupid for asking it, but I wanted to know badly.

"Alice is real, isn't that enough?" he said, a smile in his voice.

I nodded in agreement. It was true, after all. Alice did have a striking resemblance to a fairy.

A loud knocking sound came from the other side of the door.

"You guys are talking about me, huh?" Alice said, pounding on the door.

"Come in, Alice." Edward said, not bothering to shout over the tremendous noise. Immediately the knocking stopped, and little Alice stepped through the door, smiling at me.

"Guess what time it is!" she squealed. I already knew, but, for her sake, I asked.

"What?"

"It's time for your bridal shower!"

I sighed. This was going to be three, long hours of helltorture.


	3. Not Here!

**thanks for the reviews1 It's great to be on someone's favorite story list. Next chapter will be the most interesting, and I'm sure you already have a slight idea of what's going to happen :3**

**But I'm deciding to torture you. You're gonna hafta wait til later.**

"I'm driving!" Alice said, hopping into the front seat of her yellow Porsche, forcing me to walk to the passenger side. She was practically jumping up and down in her seat. "Ooh, Bella. This is gonna be soooo great!" she exclaimed, starting the car. "Rosalie is meeting us there, and so is Angela."

"Angela? She's going to be there?" I asked, suprised.

Alice nodded, smiling hugely.

I groaned. "This is gonna suck."

Eddie's POV.

Emmett came bursting through my door. The noise wasn't as loud as Alice's knocking, (which I have to admit was a bit excessive) but at least Alice had enough mind to knock.

"Dude! It's time! Get off your ass, let's go, let's go!" he said, his grin streaching across his face. Jasper stood behind him, smiling too.

"Alright…" I muttered, placing my book down. This was going to be three complete hours of torture, and I knew it.

We climbed into Emmett's jeep, and Emmett looked over his shoulder at me.

"We're going to pick someone up." He said, smiling. Then he turned to Jasper and whispered, "He's gonna love _this_."

I groaned. "This is gonna suck."

Bella's POV.

"No. no, no, no, no, no. No way. I'm not going in there. You're just going make me try everything on. And then you're gonna make me show you. No."

Rosalie smiled. "Right. We _are_ going to make you try everything on. But you're also wrong. You _are _going in there." She said, grabbing my arm. Alice grabbed my other arm, and, against my will, they dragged me into _Victoria's Secret_.

Edward's POV.

"Hell no. No. You _do _understand that this is a _girl _store, don't you?" I said, looking up at the sign. Victoria's frikkin Secret. Great.

"Wrong, Ed. They've got guy stuff in here, too. I buy things here all the time for my own pleasure." Emmett said, rubbing the back of his neck. He laughed, and when he realized that we thought he was serious, he said, "It's all for Rose. She likes me to wear things from here."

I shook my head. "You're taking me here so I can get things for when Bella and I…"

They both nodded, then took my arms in a stonghold that even I couldn't get out of.

"No! No!" I told them over and over. "No!"

But they dragged me into the store, anyway.


	4. Strange, much?

**Please, for this chapter, try and forget about the super-human powers**

**Please, for this chapter, try and forget about the super-human powers. I just can't fit logical explanations into the story right now. Not all human, though.**

_**Bella's POV.**_

I knew that there was no use running. Alice and Rose would catch me in an instant.

"Angela's just inside!" Alice squealed.

And she was. We walked in to find her waiting patiently at the registers.

"Hey, guys!" she said, running up to me. I managed a smile.

"Hey Angela."

She smirked. "This sure is going to be fun! I can force you to wear any article of clothing in this store," she said, waving her arm around, "and then we get to buy _you_ what _we_ like!"

I groaned.

They dragged me to the langerae section, and I was forced to watch as they looked at sexy nightgowns and bras.

"Ooh, Bella. Come look." Angela said from further away. I forced myself to walk to her, not wanting to know what she had found. But when I arrived, she didn't hold things up to me or tell me that this was fun, like Alice. She simply dragged me further away, into a section where nobody was.

"So you and Edward are getting it on, huh?" she whispered.

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. "No!…Well, yeah. But we haven't yet. After the wedding. I think." I mumbled incoherently. This was worse than Alice.

She let out a low whistle. "Wow. I mean, I like Ben and all, but…_Edward Cullen_. He's like a god. Do you realize that nearly _every_ girl in school would frikkin love to trade places with you? And yet you are always so difficult about it."

I smiled. "You don't even know."

Just then Alice skipped into the conversation.

"Bella. Edward loves blue on you, right?" she asked. I nodded. "Well great! Because I found something just _perfect_ for you!" she exclaimed. Then she pulled out a very short, silk nightgown without straps from behind her back.

"The tag says _slim_, so it should really hug your body," Rose said from behind. "And the fact that it is strapless means the world."

Angela snickered. "I don't see why it has to look good if it's only staying on for a few seconds."

I slapped her.

"Just try it on, Bella. Please?" Alice begged. I gave her a warning glance, but ended up giving in, anyway.

"Fine." I snatched it from her and walked to the only dressing room in the store, which had three stalls. I locked the door and began to undress. Little did I know that Alice, Rose, and Angela were at the other side of the store, doing other things.

_**Eddie's POV.**_

Emmett handed me zebra underwear.

"What's this?" I asked him. And, being the professional that he was, he immediately answered.

"It's a man-thong."

I grimaced. "It's…great, Em. But, ah….Aren't thongs supposed to…be…for _girls?_"

Emmett frowned. "Edward Anthony Mason Cullen. We've gone over this a bazillion times. This is the _men's _section. That is a _man-_thong. Trust me."

Jasper's head popped up from behind a clothes rack. "Try it on, Eddie. I'm sure Bella would like that one."

I shook my head no.

"Come on, Ed! Please? It's not like anybody will see you in it but us." Emmett urged, shoving me towards the fitting rooms.

"Okay, fine." I murmured, then walked into the fitting room and shut the door. Little did _I_ know that Emmett and Jasper were also leaving, to go meet up with Alice and Rose and Angela, somewhere far away from the fitting rooms.

_**Bella's POV.**_

I stepped out of the fitting room, anxious to get back in, but the gang was nowhere to be found. I heard a _cha-click_ from behind me, the door opening. Oh no. someone was going to see me like this. I slowly turned.

"Bella?!" Edward asked, his eyes as wide open as they would go.

"_Edward?!_" I started at him in disbelief. He was wearing nothing but a zebra man-thong. and I was wearing this skimpy nightdress. I looked down, and twitched to cover myself. I wished that a hole could open up in the floor, so I would've gone falling through it, and not have to be here. Anywhere but here.

Just then I heard laughing from behind us. I twirled my body around, only to find Alice, Rose, Angela, Emmett, and Jasper laughing at the sight of me and Edward together.

"We gots you guys good, huh?" Alice said between laughs.

Just then, a woman with bright orange hair stepped into the conversation.

"Hi, I'm Victoria, the manager of Victoria's Secret. have i seen you somewhere before" she asked me.

It was her, Victoria. The same Victoria that Edward beheaded not too long ago. She looked at Edward. "Guess this means that I won, huh? Oh, and, by the way, nice man-thong."


End file.
